One of the days take your time and walk or drive through the streets, neighborhood & watch as people are going on ka matshelo a bone, one thing will highlight to you how privileged you are in that moment. There is so much to be grateful for, even in our lowest moments.
For some who interact with a lot of different people , it allows them to realize how privileged they are just from learning about people’s life experiences, take your time and listen as they talk to you.

Sometimes just say “Thank you” to whoever and everyone you interact with , see how much it lights up their face and touches your heart. That on its own carries blessings.

When I was in senior school many many years ago, our class teacher Mr Corker always insisted we say thank you even when he handed us test papers that we had done bad in😅, we even learnt to respond to every greeting adding a thank you in it.To this day a thank you is a norm.

I got away from home and having to explain “Kelebogile” more often reinforced this for me coz It does mean ‘thank you’ ❤️. It reminded me everytime there is power, peace and assurance that comes with just being grateful.

So do have that gratefulness jar, write down how grateful you are even in a journal, read it out every chance you get.. you cannot finish that list without a smile..I assure you. Your heart will feel lighter.

Asante sana. In whatever, be thankful. It’s not a bare reaction.

Much love always ❤️
Kelly

“You are not what I expected,”…

these words can strike a painful chord in your heart but have you ever thought it highlights your uniqueness? How different you are from everyone else..

If that triggers overwhelming disappointment in you, ask yourself how far can you go though fulfilling expectations of other people ?..do you have a limit?

Have you ever felt tied down living to fulfill expectations and bearing discomfort to evade disappointing someone? How much of you do you trust to hold you up when everyone gets dissapointed with you?

Have you ever found yourself following the imposed way of living because that’s all you ve been taught is right, you can never be a disappointment ? …They tell you,”As this tribe/religion/gender/family/proffesion etc “we live only like this “….
.. do you ever think your path can be different from the constructed norm yet fulfilling and nurturing?
What is it about you that beautifully stands out yet not seen? Can you allow yourself to show up and off despite the mocking looks?

Introspection

discoveryourself

youmatter

Love always ❤️. Kelly.

#UNWomen

#stopviolenceagainstwomen

#fictional narration not very far from the stories I come across

Dear Drunk Dad

I remember how you would enter through the door and silence would sweep through the house
How all our smiles would fade at the sight of your presence

I remember how our bodies would automatically tune to flight fight mode, our hearts threatening to burst out of our chests in fear

We would shake like dry leaves in spring
But oh my goodness, we had the strongest tree trunk ever- our mother.
She would stand between you and us anticipating the worst and as scared as she was, she would act so brave warning you “not my kids”
For this I did believe “mmangwana o tshwara thipa ka fa bogaleng”

You would give her that old disgusting smirk, “who does she think she is?”
Yes the worst would happen, you would slap my mother so hard we literally felt the echo of that gruesomeness
Oh my poor mother would fall to the far end of the room and violently hit against the wall

Amazingly enough she would crawl back to us, swallowing immeasurable pain and would group hug us whispering “it’s gonna be alright”…that broken shaky voice would reassure us in the horrified state we were in

With the corner of my eye I would see how cold hearted you are as you drag your feet to the kitchen, leaving behind a harrowing stench of alcohol
We would quickly run to our bedroom and lock ourselves inside, fearing the demon you become when drunk

The next noise we hear would be the cups & plates breaking, the spoons and pots violently hitting the floor mixed with your shouts of “where is my food!?” Swearing at the woman who bore you kids.
Food was the only reason you came back home

You expected food even when you knew you drank away all the money.
Oh, unless that food was ‘manna from heaven’ but you were fighting wrong people for it— you needed to face your God.

In the midst of that chaos, my mother would plead with you to calm down, my dear brother would jump to the locked door wanting to go fight you off but we would drag him back so hard his t-shirt would get torn

Oh my poor brother, we would heartbreakingly watch him curl up and break into tears, we all felt so helpless against you

We are suffering within these walls we call home, living with a monster whose blood run through our veins— God how did we become part of this curse?

He knows no peace and want us to share in his bitter plate, he is so generous of poison and yet so selfish of love.

Lucky him, he can drown his sorrows in a bottle, we are drowning in his sorrows

You have long psychologically killed us daddy, please stop the violence

Kelly.

LetsEndVAWandGBV

Your partner can have mental health challenges too— it’s a given, they are human beings akere— so build a room to be supportive & not add to the stigma or discrimination. Yes, s/he might not have said anything until the time they relapsed, understand the fear that comes with disclosure, find them help if you can before leaving if you so choose.

Your partner deserves to know if you ve had major challenges with mental health, do not lead him/her into marriage/commitment before disclosing that. That way you are sure of the support and the other will not feel hijacked ha bolwetse bo tsoga. Just like other illnesses taking care of the ill can be psychologically draining, allow the other person to be prepared for what might happen.
Some people cannot stand the mentally ill and some can take advantage, do not find yourself under the care of an abuser.

Understand that some symptoms can pose danger, do not allow yourself a potential to be a harm to you or your partner in the midst of trying to conceal your condition. It’s okay to disclose, that might be the determinant of your relationship going forth.

Banna hardly open up about psychological challenges , try to always create a room for conversations. They may be ‘strong’ to a particular point but they also do suffer mental health conditions that needs attention, be ware of symptoms before you label them as deliberate. Yes, they might need a push than usual to see a professional.

Basadi can go through post partum depression/ psychosis after tsholo, be prepared of taking care of the baby and her. Women are also highly vulnerable to depression, watch out for that instead of identifying her symptoms as deliberate too.

Not all Mental health conditions render someone unfit for relationships, support within a relationship can actually be therapeutic. Lack thereof/persistent conflicts can trigger, precipitate or perpetuate a mental health condition.

Mental health conditions can affect your intimacy, most of the time lowering libido than hiking it up. It can also diminish interest in engaging in interactive activities or spending time with others. Anger/irritability, self isolation,excessive substance use, excessive forgetfulness or seeming too preoccupied, being overly suspicious of partner/environment etc are all symptoms in mental health that can affect relationships. Explore your problems together before being at each other’s throat.

It’s okay to go for couples counseling anytime, it’s okay to tag along with your partner to their sessions/check up. You will understand better how to take care of each other.

Lastly, you have a choice to leave without degrading each other. Dear partner left- it does hurt to be left in a vulnerable state but it is better to heal without a thorn in your flesh.

Take care of yourselves.

#youmatter

❤️💚
Kelly.

There are times when some view their lives as worthless, they regard themselves as failures for so many different reasons and one of them is they don’t ‘see’ or ‘hear’ of the results of their input in this life in general, but let me say this:
There are so many things that we don’t acknowledge ourselves for, we mostly think that a ‘thank you’ and a ‘praise’ from outside is better than a ‘thank you’ from within.
We weigh our input/efforts with the gratitude we get— if we don’t get any it may seem we are doing nothing.

… please, start acknowledging yourself, you are doing the most despite the silence around you. Think of all the good you ve done for you and others. Think of the challenges you’ve overcome. Think of the difference you ve made.
Thank yourself for putting in effort to improve your life, somebody else’s life, for helping out in any situation, for putting pride aside and receiving help, for seeking help in any kind of situation etc Give yourself gratitude.

Yes, we are social beings but thriving takes a whole lot of personal input. You are here because you are also putting effort to survive , do acknowledge yourself. Be able to see the stars around you that you shine for others.

Your life is worth living,even if they become hostile and overshadow your efforts, even if they don’t say ‘we see you’ or ‘thank you’ remember you have your journey without them. You are not a failure because they said so- it hits hard when you fail to acknowledge you and what you put in.

youmatter

❤️

Kelly

Someone somewhere is thinking of suicide and people around him or her can’t tell, they think s/he is “not that kind of person” — because she is laughing with them as usual, discussing the future and just behaving like everyday while in the inner s/he is an utter mess.
They know s/he has gone through a lot but hey “s/he is coping”, “she is strong”, “s/he is too clever to take her own life”, “she can’t be that irresponsible”, “s/he is a prayer warrior” etc all the presumed person that has been crafted in their minds except ‘s/he is human and s/he can break down.’

The scary thing about human beings is the ability to mask emotional pain, they will have you think all is well until the last day. So I am suggesting, do sometimes engage in uncomfortable conversations about suicide. Have the other person realise we do understand it happens and we can help prevent it by all costs.
Let’s create an environment accommodative enough for someone to ask for help. Let’s be careful about our comments that carry stigma, stereotyping and discrimination regarding mental health issues: these push the overwhelmed into a corner & silence them.

If you are emotionally overwhelmed please do ask for help. Asking for help is not a weakness, it’s not burdening anyone, you are well within your course as a human being. No one makes it on their own-absolutely none, from the moment we are conceived we co-depend to survive, that is our nature. On our own, we wilt.
Thinking about death all the time, desire to die, any previous attempt single/multiple shows something is not right, seek help please.

💚 Kelly

Hey, I am thinking of you today. It’s a heart ache that;
When your peers worry about sweets you worry about food for the family
When they run off to go & play you rush home to cook & clean
Your friends have dolls to take care of while you have your parent & siblings to feed and bathe
Excelling in school is your ultimate goal but the circumstances fight against you, instead of studying you have something to worry about, you sacrifice your time for your loved ones because life has not given you much choice.
You compromise your dreams and pray God makes a way.

I am sorry for the parent you lost and however way that you found yourself being the adult in the household. I am sorry for the child in you that life suffocated.

Dear child, do not give up on your dreams. Grab any opportunity and make your desires known. Knock on every door, nag that social welfare officer, your teachers and that stranger who seem to care—no formality in your request, just know how to say ‘please I need help.’
Someone is out there with a possible solution for you.

I have no doubt that it is hard but time moves, it moves towards the end of your sorrow, it moves towards attainment of your dreams, it moves towards your success, One day your hardships will be history, keep moving and keep trying.

Dear child #youmatter

❤️love always
Kelly

I know someone outthere is tired of waking up to the same misery daily and suicide is revolving in their thoughts.
Nothing is comforting, nobody seem to understand. Life is getting tough, a lot more is demanded for them to survive.

Everyone is saying try harder when you feel you ve given your all
Some say be patient when you feel you ve waited for a lifetime
Some say pray harder when you feel you ve prayed your vocabulary to extinction and your strength to exhaustion
You are told have faith when God seems silent and part of the audience to your pain

With each day that passes a chip of hope falls off you, you feel your visibility to the world is diminishing.
It gets hard to look forward to tomorrow because a new day reminds you of the horrible yesterday and how ‘better’ seems far fetched.

This is what I can assure you, we truly don’t know what tomorrow holds, your experience might tell you otherwise but let what’s left of your hope carry you to tomorrow coz it might be the day light shines upon you and unexpected solutions show up.
The silver lining on that cloud might show up tomorrow in whatever form.

Let what’s left of your strength carry you to tomorrow because when we think we ve done all we can, the solution lies at the end.
Hold on a little longer,give yourself a chance to witness your smile.
Hey, I am thinking of you today. #youmatter.

❤️ Love always
Kelly.

It’s a new Month, the challenges continue.

Remember this;

Being strong does not mean repressing your feelings nor ignoring your pain or discomfort .

This will make people invalidate your pain because you ignore it yourself, you shove your emotions under the carpet, they will have you remain in uncomfortable situations because you ‘seem to tolerate’ those situations.

Unfortunately, this is potentially damaging because you are brewing negativity within yourself and at some point it will explode , scalding people around you.

Please Pay attention to you, acknowledge your emotions- have empathy for yourself and know you deserve to heal. Seek help if need be. That is being strong.

Take care of you. You matter.

Love always ❤️

Kelly