I am thinking of these mothers, my fellow motherhood passengers ❤️….

The mothers whose kids are labelled ‘mixed veges’ because they are not from the same father.
People spew bitter views about you and if you are not careful you sink psychologically
Afterall who cares about your side of the story when they can make their own conclusions, right?

Some people behind closed doors and hushed voices call us loose and dumb because wow, how can you get pregnant twice without being married?
Some people think we are cursed, bewitched or demon possesed, they feel pity for us because shems we seem unfit to the world, we couldn’t keep a man.
Some think we are the witches, those men who ran or died was all our doing

We are the ones expected to give long explanations of why we are not married or why we married a man who didn’t father the other child/ren
We are the ones whom our partners are nagged about taking care of children that are not their own. The men who love us are labelled ‘fools’- how can they love a ‘used woman’, when they can get a ‘brand new one’.
Of course we are baby mamas with or without ‘drama’…

We are the ones told to leave our kids with the grannies when we go to our marital homes, we are expected to build a home in alienation of our own child/ren.
Even when we settle we live with that extra vigilant intuition daily, looking out for that child who is not ‘blood’…

We are scared to love again because the confidence has been crumbled by previous broken relationships and we get paranoid about the step parent.
We are hesitant to leave relationships that have expired and detrimental to our peace in fear of how the world will judge us, “o tsamaya a tshola tshola le mongwe le mongwe”….

Ke le gopotse today my fellow mothers. I know how much you put in to find yourself standing. To balance yourself everyday dealing with coparenting or parenting alone. Holding yourself together and enshrining your kids when everything around you falls apart and opinions pull you apart…

Please remember you are your own self, above all else.
Don’t live to prove yourself to the ‘self righteous people’, they never get satisfied
Don’t drain yourself trying to please the world, not everyone loves you- that’s life
Know that the world standards are not all sculpted in your favor, be selective and take in that which does not destroy you. Do not cry forever, dry your tears, you have sisters all round.

Do not hold on to toxic relationships with the fear that the world will crucify you, leave gal, none of those judges breathes for you,
Aim to leave while you are still wholesome tagging along your colourful babies because they thrive on your love.

You are wiser, life has taught you lessons that most don’t know. You know what self sacrifice is, you know what loving and living without means. Your risk calculation is refined, your decisions are inclusive, your view of life is beyond your feet. Learn to trust your own judgment again after that disappointment or abandonment.
You still deserve to enjoy your corner of the world. Fall in love with being the best you can be. Embrace your bambinos and know they add beauty to your life what no one else ever will.

Love always ❤️
Kelly

What do you do when you hear rumors that directly affect your life? Or you find out something unexpectedly hurtful for you about your loved ones- either your partner, your family, your friends etc

See, rumors are usually bad news with not much validation but so damn painful. On the other hand sudden shocking findings are as much painful. You get a strong nag & edge to do something about them there and there , thus mostly push you to be impulsive.

Family and friends play a big role in how you handle a rumor, conflict or misunderstanding but the biggest role player is yourself. You know your situation better. And do remember you are vulnerable at that point, guard yourself.

Family and friends will have reservations about either your work, your relationship, your way of life, your spirituality and other important areas of your life , those reservations become accentuated when a problem comes up. Some in good faith and some in not so good faith.
It is natural, we are different in how we experience and view life.

We have loved ones who tend to flow along with how we feel and approve our impulsivity in the thought that resonating our thoughts is a form of support until something detrimental happens.

There are those who are empathetic but will stop you in your tracks, ‘don’t rush’. Cry but do not rush into any ultimate decision yet. Grant yourself an opportunity to assess your situation with a sound mind.

There are those who are empathetic but validate and add to your self victimization, unaware that they fuel your pain and anger. The thing is, when we are hurt we are inclined to feel like we are the only victims, we are innocent and life is unfair to just us while everyone else is happy.

There are those loved ones who will wonder why in the world you are hurting, cut the ties and step on forward, you are better off but If not careful the temporary assurance will push you to impulsivity.

There are those who will have you explore deep into the whole situation- how it came about, was it in good faith, have you found out truth into this, what role did you have in it, how you want to handle it, what impact will it have on you…

So we may get confused about what to do really, we are likely to get caught up in a cocoon of indecisiveness and continued conflict of thoughts because of external influence of people we value.

That is why it is important to seek formal counselling,have a neutral person
—who will help show you what others overlook,
—who will point out your own possible contribution in this arena of your hurt,
—who will remind you that at the other end is a human being still
—who will help weigh the impact of your decisions and choices
—and help build a foundation of how to cope going on forward.

The truth is, decisions made with active emotional influence of hurt usually cause prolonged pain with no closure, with uncertainty in the long term, regret and resentment.
Decisions made in the background of calmness comes with contentment in your choices, assertiveness, acceptance and harmony.

… Heal without losing yourself and peace of mind.

Love always ❤️
Kelly

Be the girl that learns to filter out noise around you when it gets too loud.
Be that girl that learns to listen to self first and embrace spectrum of her emotions

Be the decider of who impacts your life and how. Let external influence either balance your stand or add to your life, anything less don’t take to heart.

Own your path, embrace your journey, Guard yourself
Know that you might be living among people awaiting your downfall, the day you are down and out they smear dirt unto your lifeless body and construct reasons why others should never remember your goodness

Know that you are an object of desire even for the vilest beings. You are frantically searched for but when found you will be used and can be tossed out like you never mattered. Guard yourself.

Rise girl and be the best version of yourself
Let the day you depart have them search bitterly the bad they want to say about you because you never dished dirt on their plates nor did you allow theirs on your own plate.

Love always ❤️
Kelly.

In any recovery there is a big pivotal point that helps us leap forward otherwise we remain ‘psychologically disabled’ ….this pivotal point is called ‘Acceptance’ : The Willingness to tolerate a difficult situation and move forward.

We have to compare the ‘what was’ and ‘what is’ then find a way to live on with the difference there.

The difference may be positive and that’s why we usually ‘get amazed’, ‘get happy’ about how our life progresses, because there is addition to your life.
The difference may be negative – that is where the difficulty is- that is why we grieve , because there is a loss or undesired change of your usual self.

In most of the time if not all the time we cannot change ‘what was’… Acceptance helps us to get over that inability to change the past.
Acceptance is letting the past influence a positive change in your ‘now’.

Find a platform to accept that things may never be the same again so that you create room for “things can be better or great regardless of the present scar”

Acceptance is not the easiest thing to do, it requires input from you mental capacity, it requires sacrifice, it requires compromise and it requires forgiveness.
Letting go is part of acceptance. Letting go of that guilt, letting go of that blame, letting go of that hatred, letting go of that self pity, letting go of self criticism, letting go of that fear. Letting go of what provoked your emotional pain.

For instance;
You lost that job but dwelling on the loss is only delaying your progress— Grieve and Accept so that you get motivated to look for another job.

You lost your loved one, grieve & understand that you will never forget, sometimes your remembrance will come with pain, but accept that they are gone so that you adapt to move forward in their absence. It is the most difficult thing but everyday tune yourself because it is doable.

You failed that exam, you cannot change that- don’t dwell on it for long…it’s okay to be angry and disappointed but accept eventually that you failed so that you get back up and retry again.

Your childhood was unpleasant, your marriage was horrible, your relationship was hell—you cannot change that past, remembrance thereof may come with pain but move forward still—accept it for what it was so that you create a room to live a new life, work on adapting to your new life and allow new opportunities to come in- that turns into inspiration for yourself and others everytime you dat “yes,I am a survivor”

You got in that car accident and lost your limb, You lost functionality because of an illness, — grieve and accept it for what it is so that you adapt to function as a different you. As human beings we have an amazing power to adapt to change. That adaptation maybe the best thing that your life has ever brought because it encompasses growth beyond a challenge

Resilience is not about denial of what happened, it is moving forward with life despite what happened, it is fighting against the odds. Your ability to triumph depends on your motivation to overcome- & that comes from accepting what happened and finding another way to achieve your goal or to live on.

I pray that whatever happened to you, you ultimately find acceptance so that you can move forward and not soak in sorrow. Find that help- psychologically, physically and spiritually. It may take weeks, it may take months, it may take years but the big difference is in reminding yourself everyday to accept what is and leaping forward in a positive way.

Love always ❤️
Kelly.

May what you saw attractive in me remain vivid even when your rage against me grows within you, May it surpass your blurry view of me when you are angry

May the love you felt without me saying anything be strong enough to restrain you from destroying me when I say something you find offensive.

May the smiles and laughs we shared be a reminder that frowns and cries are not what i chose when i said ‘yes’ to you, it was the beauty of sharing and growing in love, it was how free and safe I felt with you.

May the memories of the passion between us calm you down when anger burns within you, remember that I once shared my vulnerability with you, you don’t need to harm me to feel powerful, your love for me makes you the Superman.

May the dreams we shared and goals we planned together in those good times serve to remind you I need to live on even in your absence , you walking away is giving me a chance to realize those dreams. Exclude yourself from journeying with me, you have a right to leave and I too have mine to live.

May you have pity on my lack of physical strength the days you feel like fighting the life out of me, remember that with your strength you once chose to protect me.
May you have empathy at the sound of my desperate helpless cries when you think of shredding me into pieces, remember when my tears made you sad.
May you take heed of my pleads those moments you want to finish me off.
Please spare me,

In my unlovable state spare me. Spare my kids from a heartache, spare my parents from a heartbreak, spare my siblings the grief. Spare yourself the wrath of the world, lets part in peace.

Let my “No!” be heard in the loudest form and evoke pity in your heart. Let my scream for you to “stop!” tug at your heart strings and have you abandon the thoughts of taking my life.
Please know that my rejection of you is not a measure of your worth, understand that as deliberate as it sounds those moments it is also instinctual, survival instinct. Let me go so that I can survive in best way I see fit.

Have mercy, I am no angel, I am an imperfect being but extinction of my existence is no solution,It is cruelty in its worst form. Allow me to face my faults and crimes alive. There is more to my existence than meets the eye, give me a chance to live.

Let’s learn harmony together or if you know better teach me Harmony without harming me. Please, Let me not die by your hands, the hands I once felt safe in.

My fellow ladies, sisters and friends have died in the hands of your fellow men, please be the difference. You can be the difference.

Love always ❤️
Kelly

To the couple that falls in love over & over again
To the couple that work through challenges together and come out with renewed bonds
To the couple that grow together and find more reasons love than part
To the couple that find comfort and contentment in each other , that couple with their own unique love story and not bother to mirror any one’s

Cheers to you.🥂✨
May life blossom and bring more reasons to smile with each other and love.
May you continue knowing that love for another is as nurturing as the food you eat, soothing to the soul as any therapy can be and adding to their days.
Continue loving each other, inspire the unloved and give hope to the ones who swore to never love again.
Love is beautiful shared.

Much love ❤️
Kelly

The day you remember that child of yours that you sidelined for so long…
that one that you can sleep without thinking about or squander away your money without the guilt of not having made sure she has enough…
That one that is hardly talked about when your life blossoms
That child you left in the shadows for that woman to take of ….
Please do apologize.
Apologize for your absence, swallow your pride and admit to your faults
Apologize and find no excuse valid to explain your absence unless you had died and risen from the dead.

That day when you feel the strongest edge to show up, do thank that lady who shouldered your responsibilities, That woman who got exhausted reminding you that the child needs this and that, that woman you gave a cold shoulder when she asked you for help. That woman who didn’t only bear the pain of birthing him but the pain of raising him alone too whilst you forgot about the seed you planted. Be grateful and find no reason to disregard her efforts.
And please be humble enough to thank the man who stepped in your shoes and provided a father figure for your child, don’t fight for the light to shine on you, let the darkness you created fade away as you peacefully blend into their lives.

That day when you unravel from your own self woven web and decide to shake the comfort zone of that child, do consider building beyond her level of comfort rather than dismantling her foundation, add to her life don’t take away. Work around the resentment you find in her because it was a defense against your abrasive absence, don’t fight for recognition- build towards being recognized.

The day you admit and announce to the world he is yours,Let it not be because you foresee gain, let it be because redemption has gotten you to understand everyone needs to belong. He deserved to experience your existence and know his roots, she deserves to have identification.

Dear absent father, wherever you are, May your smiles be not yours alone but pave your way to your child, May your tears nag you to want to shield him too, May your pain make you wish healing for her as well and May life reunite you with your fruit so that you experience completeness and the bliss of parenthood despite your mistakes

But if you have no intention to maintain her peace, please hold on to your silence until the day the ground opens up to welcome you. Maybe you will answer better to God.
What will never change is that wherever you are or have been you remained the one that claimed the fatherhood title as nature dictated.

Dear absent father,Please Do better. Your absence is a nagging prick. All the best to you.

Much love ❤️
Kelly

Many of us have at some point heard these words directly or indirectly. Verbally, Written or Signalled—“I don’t want to be with you anymore”.

And most of the time that makes us feel like we’ve been left to die 💔.
So really a breakup can make us desperate to hang onto a person,

Desperate to get them back
Desperate to show them they are making a mistake by leaving
Desperate to point out that they are leaving you for the wrong person
Desperate to have them say ‘I am staying’, ‘I love you more’
Desperate to show them how much hurt we are so that they realise we loved them so much our lives depended on it….

But we get desperate until they return,and in their presence 👇🏼…..

A month later you realize you ve settled for pity,not love. They still don’t feel the same way and you don’t feel the same way either

Two months later you realise you ve settled to be mistreated while they scream at you ‘I wanted out!,you are the one who dragged me back’ as they kick and destroy what’s left of you

Three months later you realise you actually wish they were gone because they are the same old untrustworthy, uncaring, selfish and self centered person that you spent nights crying about.

Four months later you realise you are still fighting for attention and fighting the wrong people that you feel are replacing you as he is busy living his life.

Five months later you realise you have sacrificed yourself for her, you are walking around empty with hope she will fulfill you but she rather shakes off every tiny droplet that is possibly left of you.

Six months later you realise you surrendered to be their slave when you begged to have them back with their heavy baggage. Now you are carrying it for them

A year later you realise you now are living on someone’s terms, your true self is dead and strong has departed. Your fear of them leaving killed your dreams and aspirations.

Many years later you realise you could have done better by letting them go because there is an emotional void that is not filling up since that day they said ‘I am leaving’ and you begged them to stay. You are deeply lonely while they are still there with you.

My friend,
there is pain in any loss of what you used to value, that is a fact, be courageous to face it. Hurting at that moment is you being a human being,
but begging to be loved back is you abandoning yourself and closing doors on discovering the you that you forgot while you were busy loving someone more than yourself.

Rather get desperate to heal and remind yourself that you are lovable beyond someone’s validation. I assure you,Its something worth your effort, to live your life unanchored to pain.

And you know what? if they are to return, let it not be to your desperate self, let them realise your standards have since risen higher, they gotta step up or continue walking away because you are not desperate to settle for less.

Heal my friend,

Much love ❤️
Kelly

Sadness does not only come with tears and silence, it can be buried in the loudest laughter and boldest of voices too

Sadness does not only come with a frown,It can be hidden behind the most beautiful smile and that welcoming look

Sadness does not only come with a feeble greeting, it can be shoved within the warmest of hugs and firmest of handshakes

Sadness does not come only with the tattered ill fitting and shriveled clothes, it can be the lining beneath that beauty in fashion and smartest styles

Sadness does not only come with lacking , It is locked in with the rich & wealthy, lives among the famous and celebrated.

Sadness does not only come with the ones who are thought to have abandoned their faith,It can be in the shadow of the one who prays for you daily,preaches to you and encourages you to keep believing.

Sadness knows no boundaries. None whatsoever.
Take care of each other beyond boundaries. The phrases “You look happy” and “you sound happy” should not take away attention from others, they need it as much. Take your time and ask “how are you doing my friend?”

Much love ❤️
Kelly

I am thinking of you who feels defeated.

I am thinking of you who has tried it all in your power to pull through but as soon as the spark of victory lit up ,the storm came back and blew it off, the darkness engulfed you again.
You whose tree of hope you planted got uprooted again when it was beginning to bear fruits

You who have fought in every way
and think you have no power to fight again
You who think you have cried enough and you can’t go through it again
You who feel this life was not meant for you because you ve lived for misery,phase after phase.
You whose smiles can only be counted than your tears that filled oceans.
You who feels so drained and tired you wonder if you really are alive or you are the walking dead.
You who tried it all and lost again, and you feel motivation has packed its bags and left.

Hugs to you,
tell you what? I see you. I know of your existence, nothing can have you fade, you still are worth the fight. Let me highlight your victory moments to you because pain has robbed you of that chance to.

Your victory lies in the efforts you put those countless times because it had showed you that you are a fighter, you have capabilities of winning.
Your victory lies in the patience you had because it reflected your resilience
You victory is in that spark of hope that died because it reminded you that you can bring light to your life
Discard that self blame coat , smile about what you conquered in those moments.

Grieve because it is part of healing,but you are not building a home for that pain in your heart.
Cry, someone will provide a shoulder for you if not myself , may God cradle you through this turmoil too.
Dust yourself, sit back up, wipe those tears, Do stand up & adorn your shoes because you are going to restart and try again. Let us be your cheerleader.

Find comfort in that you won’t give up, no matter how awful we presume the inevitable outcome may be ,it wont be as painful when you know you have tried again and whatever remains ahead is beyond you.
Don’t forget that the inevitable might be the return of your smile too .. the smile that will stay, the smile that won’t allow you to make your heart a home for pain.
Your victory lies in you trying again, for you not anybody else. Heal my friend.

Much love ❤️
Kelly