The echoes of laughter and hate associated with homophobia are the cheers for rapists to pounce on homosexual people .. If you carry around homophobic tendencies, you are handing over your fellow human being to criminals, they go around boasting about how they will make that ‘girl straight’, how she needs to ‘taste a real man’… Those guys scheme to attack and gang rape the poor women , some shoving dirt in her vagina stating “she got no use for it”.. And you know what? In that vulnerable state she is afraid to seek help because she is a cast out, scared that no one will listen and care.
Beware of your degrading statements and insinuations regarding homosexuality , know that chasing them away from the society, from home and church makes you a sexual violence enabler. Change that attitude, you can do better.
Grandmothers, stop silencing your grandchildren when they tell you what their uncles and grandfathers do to them in your absence. Stop convincing your daughters to accept molestation because you are ‘protecting’ the family name. Stop finding shame in standing up for your children. Your dignity is lost the moment you shush her and request her to live silently with pain.
Mothers stop blaming your daughter for destroying your relationship when she tells you your boyfriend or husband forced himself on her. She is not your competition, you are supposed to be her protector, stop sacrificing your daughter just to maintain a relationship that is toxic. There is no dignity in your act, you become as much guilty as your boyfriend or spouse. If you can’t be trusted with your child, who else can be?
Fathers protect your sons and daughters instead of being their molesters and rapists. You are ruining their lives forever even beyond your death. Don’t take advantage of our trust that you are the primary caregiver, you have no right to violate that child. Have shame.
Families stop being bought off to keep quiet about rape within your compound, that money does not bring peace to that poor child, you are giving the perpetrator freedom to continue damaging that child and other family members. You enable sexual violence with those shameful efforts of covering up crimes of rape and incest.Dignity comes with standing up for what is right . Change that attitude, you can do better
The power of a man is not defined by his sexual conquests.
Do not find yourself forcing to bed any woman with aim to get cheers from your friends as you brag. It’s not proof of your virility.
Don’t find yourself laughing at how you can ‘hit it’ and ‘pass it on’ to another dude. She is not a rag doll.
Do not heed in to your sexual frustrations and drug her so that you have your way with her. It is the same as pouncing on her and raping her.
Her agreeing to hang out or go on that date with you is not a ticket to get in between her legs. Don’t misinterpret her dress code either, make sure when you go that far it’s consensual.
They will tell you a woman can be punished with sex, be careful, you are being influenced and incited to be a sexual predator.
Your BDSM desires starts with her consent and better stop immediately with her request for you to stop. Being dominant is not about disregarding her pleas to stop. Restrain yourself.
Marrying her does not give you permission to have your way with her, your conjugal rights fall within her comfort and will to consummate too, not beyond that.
‘No’ means ‘No’ it doesn’t matter whether she says it smiling or in a haze of sexual tension, confirm for that ‘yes’ and do not be aggressive about it.
Get on a mission to respect a woman body,let her not feel violated when with you. She will hold you in high regard when you choose to respect her body and opinion. You can be different,You can do better.
Have you realised how much we get concerned gore a 2 year old girl a ikgabetse, how a 5 year old should dress,dance and walk because we fear for her being raped or sexually molested,in her innocence we are conditioning her to know she is a sexual object, free play is not her priviledge. The heartache is, surely someone out-there will think of making her a meal. The moment she reaches puberty, they start giving her the ‘looks’ and whisper to each other, “She is ripe”…. perverts.. planning to lure that vulnerable young girl into their den— or they start becoming a regular at her home where her mother welcomes them and doesn’t question where her young girl got the money to buy new shoes and the groceries she brings…
Indirectly we have conformed to the sexual offenders, we think they are robotic individuals automated to act on their intrusive thoughts while they are the ones who know the difference between right and wrong better and use the advantage of power or strength over a child. While we warn that child, let’s warn that predator as well because they are well known in our societies. We live and hang out with those predators without condemning their actions. Re nnetse gore “o mmone yoo mo baneng ba skolo” – some kind of warning praise while we rub shoulders with them … it’s a shame, in our silence we are enablers of sexual violence. Let’s divorce from such. Let’s stop smiling at their smart looks and heavy deep pockets while they are busy being psychological parasites. Dont condone them. We can do better.
When you get unhappy that she left a relationship whether yours or someone else’s, When you get unhappy because she said “no” to whatever you requested, When you get unhappy because she hooked up with someone that you don’t like, When you get unhappy that she “disrespected” you, When you get unhappy that she reported rape. In all these, you give her labels: — she is a “whore” —she is a “b**ch” —she is a “harlot” — ke “letalo” —she is “loose” — she is just “a hole”
All the demeaning names in efforts to emphasize how “sexually useless” she is, because not “sexually satisfying a man ” apparently takes away the validity of being a worthy woman in the society.
Most would laugh when all this is said as if it’s nothing to worry about. They don’t care much when a woman get degraded. That’s why when she gets raped we don’t make it a big deal. “She deserved it”- “she invited it”-“she wanted it” we imply. That contributes to why she doesn’t report this horrendous crime. We reduce her to nothing.
Let’s watch our comfort with such insinuations my fellow human beings, otherwise we are enablers of sexual violence. Let us change this attitude, let’s rather reinforce confidence in our women to stand against sexual abuse. Your support matters. We can do better.
Remember the cycle is 28 days, day 1 being the 1st day of menses.
The last half of the cycle is called LUTEAL PHASE.
This is the bottom part of the rollercoaster when estrogen dips low, progesterone gets higher preparing the uterus for pregnancy.
With the estrogen being low, Serotonin (the Neurotransmitter that helps regulate mood) becomes low too. That’s why there is Pre Menstrual Syndrome (PMS) or Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMSDD)- a more severe kind of PMS.
In this time we become vulnerable and moody. It’s difficult to hide our frustrations, anger or sadness. These feelings are deeply felt and genuine, they are not exaggerated, so there is need to pay attention to them. Some women become confrontational and it can be intimidating to some people, Some women sulk and it can be frustrating to partners Some women dip into a depressive mood which is too hard to deal with We nag you about something that happened a month ago because now we are at a point where we can’t hide the hurt or concern.
So my ladies always be prepared to embrace this change in the mood. It does pass, don’t fall off the wagon. Give yourself special attention, pamper yourself, be lenient on you. Talk about it with someone.
Guys, this is the time when TLC matters most. Be prepared to listen, be lenient, apologise if you have to. Relationships may get stronger in this time or get broken.
I promise you if people could be given a chance to just closely watch how certain chemicals fluctuates in our bodies and influence our demeanor + emotions: a lot of perception about us would change..🤞, bo ‘mmastsenwa, mmaspekere’ names might come with vindication😜…
Our cycle is on average 28 days. Day 1 is the 1st day of the menses. I ll talk about 2 main phases of the cycle:
The 1st half is the FOLLICULAR PHASE—-
This is when the egg becomes mature in preparation for ovulation and conception. In this time a chemical called Estrogen is high:
So we radiate—- bontle bo a kelema, we feel more confident, we get to be daring, the libido is higher, we have that strong edge to find a mate. 🔥✨🤗 Estrogen makes Oxytocin ( the ‘love hormone’ or cuddle hormone’) to increase, as for us ladies we have more receptors tsa oxytocin, so we really get super lovey dovey mo nakong e…. This is the time that we mostly “fall in love” ❤️😊 The phase last until ovulation—
Can you relate my ladies? Have you observed this? 🧐.
And guys, you do get what I am saying right? 🤷🏽♀️🤣😜, know chances when you can score big in efforts to win her over…. don’t take advantage though. Big warning⚠️ .
Tomorrow I ll let you know about the 2nd half of the cycle ..
It’s common that we fail to detect stress on someone until it infiltrates their social functioning or occupational functioning but unfortunately in that time, push has come to shove, red alarms buzzing.
Social culture has made talking about being stressed depict some kind of ‘weakness’ especially regarding men or ‘bothersome’ especially regarding women , so we try to keep up appearances while we are silently getting drained. Of course Social media has platforms to relay self anonymously but it’s so open to a lot of criticism and down talking, seeking help there sometimes turns out to be adding to your burden. We preach stay home nowadays so getting out to seek help has become a challenge.
The ‘new normal’ is depriving us of the essence of being ‘social beings’- that physical presence, that hand to hold, that comforting hug, wiping each other’s tears, the laughing and crying together, seeing that smile and facial expressions-reading body language has a lot of validation— that essence of ‘uninhibited social support’ has been limited. Researchers have found that social support is another source of healing and thriving — without it we take a long time to recover, we are likely to give up easy, we are likely to fail, We feel deeply lonely, some feel abandoned, disregarded and unloved. Social distancing can be abrasive.
Covid-19 has made us live with constant stress- the worry, the uncertainty, the fear, bad news after the other, rollercoaster of emotions- when we think things are getting better they get worse. This has a toll on our physical & mental wellbeing. Constant stress literally eats away our energy, it silently feed on us, your fatigue is sign of stress. We get burnt out – It pushes us to be emotional- we get irritable, we get sad, we anxious, coping is a hard.
Destressing has changed from just deciding to go to the cinema, going shopping or to a beauty parlour, it’s no more about going to check on your friends, visiting the sick, travelling, going to church, having a ‘chill session’, partying, recieving hugs, for some they can’t even take a drive nor walk or run in their neighborhood anymore. Social avenues for destressing are now a bigger risk. destressing now seeks us to know what to do when alone and confined.
We, Women who love too much become drawn to emotionally unavailable men ,very distant and cold characters
-some are workaholics, -some are dealing with substance addictions, -some are runaway fathers, -some are busy chasing other women, -some have rather turned us into punch bags and forgotten we are human beings, -some have turned us into sex slaves they have forgotten those bodies are not void of emotions etc -some are holier than thou, they preach submission into regression
We get obsessed with pleasing them, We Indirectly think we can fill their void of not knowing what being loved is – while they are busy walking away turning a blind eye to our labour, disregarding our needs, silencing us in all manners reachable .
We tend to associate pain with love and give in to manipulations, we get overly excited by two minutes pretense of remorse, Two minutes of love showering makes us forget we got burnt.
May we heal, May we master red flags and know when enough is enough May we learn to say goodbye and burn those bridges without looking back, May we know prioritizing ourselves is not being selfish, May we practise self love before loving another.
They had been trying for a baby for the past 4 months but at every end of Di’s cycle was a blow of disappointment when she got her menses. The fun in their intimacy slowly disappeared, the more they didn’t conceive the more they got discouraged.
Rob thought maybe it’s the punishment he deserves for disrupting the first pregnancy. He visited a pastor at her mother’s church for confession and to prayers. He learnt that every night he kneels with his wife and pray. It gave him hope but that tinge of guilt was resurfacing again.
Di was confused, ‘what if she lost her fertility that time. What if it’s a curse, maybe she doesn’t deserve to be a mother after all.’ She didn’t know what to think, her mother had told her it’s too early to worry but that didn’t help. She discussed with her husband about going to see a doctor. They both agreed and set up an appointment.
( At the Doctor’s) Dr: how long have you been trying to concieve Di: it’s four months now Dr: okay, so it’s not a long time at all Di: it seems like forever, Ke a shwega shwega, Whenever I see other people’s babies I think of mine. I ve come here because tota I cant wait. Dr: You need to be patient, conceiving is unpredictable, you keep hoping. don’t worry yourself. Do you have a child? Di: No, I miscarried the first pregnancy Dr: I am sorry about that, how far along were you? when was it? Rob: it’s about a year ago, she was about 8 weeks . Dr: that’s a long time, early pregnancy loss. Mrs Mothibi were there any complications? do you have any problems with your menses? Di: I spent a longer time in hospital after they cleaned my uterus but I recovered well. My menses are not worrisome. The doctor continued to take history from them then examined Di. Dr: for now really there is no obvious worry. However I ll run some basic tests for both of you, to clear out the non-obvious. Let’s discuss how to amplify chances of getting pregnant.
“ 1. Higher chances of getting pregnant are around ovulation time. Between 10-14 days following the 1st day of your menses
It’s important to track that time. These days it’s easier because of technology, there are some applications that help track your menstrual cycle. You can also recognise it by certain changes : body temperature is a bit higher, your breast may get painful, some people may get pain or discomfort in the lower abdomen depending on which ovary is delivering the egg, there is changes in the discharge, it becomes mucoid clear and stretchy, the libido is usually high at that time
So you guys should plan to get busy around that time. Di, For supplements, I ll give you folic acid to help prevent neurological malformations in pregnancy
As for you Rob, if worries are there it would be highly likely with the spermatozoa. So the message is in making sure you create a conducive environment for healthy spermatozoa. it’s good that you are not smoking, dont. Avoid tight underwear, avoid hot baths, avoid sitting down for prolonged periods, eat healthy meals- in fact both of you.
Stop stressing too much about falling pregnant, somehow the more the stress the harder the chances. So add fun to the mission, tiisang lelwapa without really anticipating 2 lines on the pregnancy stick at the end of it. If you are believers, know that God’s timing is the best.”
Di: thank you doc, that was enlightening, I have some oomph to keep trying Rob: ya, we were worried too much. That was reassuring and thank you for the education. Dr: it’s a pleasure, I will call you when the results are out. They bid farewell to the doctor.
(In the car) Rob: I never thought I d be needing advice about getting pregnant. Nna ka re ke cha-cha hela. Di: Hahaha! Cha-Cha. it’s weird isn’t it. Rob: I mean we are young right? Di: The young and the restless babe but sometimes we can’t dodge the struggle, it helps us appreciate life more. Rob: the more I grow the more I learn the complexities tsa botshelo.I hope the results come out fine Di: me too Rob: hey hey love. We need to snap out of this mood though Di: shift gears mothowame, it’s kinda sad. Rob: I am thinking of party for two tonight. I ll be the dj. Wena you own the dance floor. I ll order the food. You choose the wine. Di: well sounds like a partyy!
2 weeks later they recieved the doctor’s call and rushed to his office. Hearts pounding, each one lost in their thoughts of the outcome. Dr: come in Mr & Mrs Mothibi
They got in and occupied the seats at the consultation table. Their files were there. The doctor greeted them and took the stethoscope off his neck. Took a bit reading through the files and said,
Doc: uhm, Rob your results are fine. No worries. Rob: (he sighed) thank you doc. (He held Di’s hand, she was sweaty. He felt sorry she seemed very uncomfortable ‘my poor wife, she must be thinking the worst,’ he thought) Doc: Mrs Mothibi, be rest assured too. I don’t see any abnormality in your results. Di: ( big sigh!) I was about to collapse. Thank you doc. Doc: so you guys keep trying with the advice that I gave you, I ll see you in 4 months time. All the best.
They left the consultation room relieved.
Di: Go setse hela gore batho ba mpagame mo tlhogong go twe ke tlhatswe lesire.It’s so uncomfortable, it makes me feel like I am barren, basadibagolo will start insinuating “he paid all that magadi for nothing and cannot give him a heir.” Rob: love, do not even let that thought infiltrate your peace, we are the only ones who should be concerned about what happens in our home, we are not going to open gates to negativity into our marriage. Re siame. Let one say it, I will gladly set the record straight. Di: My advocate, that is so sweet to hear. Goo ha ke bolaile ke senang,Ke senang.. Rob: hahahaha! wa re o senang? Botsa nna ka digai tse o ditshotseng. Di nthabile ha! ( hitting his chest) ka wela kwa!( pointed at the back with his thumb) Di: Hehehehe! mxcm! You are crazy. But I love it. Rob: I love you Di: I love you more, thank you for this kind of love. Rob hugged her and she just took in the love and assurance from that hug. Even though the worry of falling had nagged them, they will live with the hope of having a child one day. In God’s timing.
*fiction
We will have a longer pause to the next parts. Adios my beloveds. 😘😘 …………………………………………………………….
Life Ls 