Rob & Di

PART 6

….Di joined the driveway with no idea of where she was going,she needed to clear her head, dealing with Rob was too much.
She turned on the radio and pressed on a CD player.
A song by Tracy Chapman played
‘Baby can I hold you’
So Rob! He used to play her this song when he knew he messed up.
“Wa lapisa Rob, I am tired of you being sorry” she said loudly to self. She drove on and on into the darkness of the evening.

She wished there was a coffee shop along her way, luckily she spotted a nearby filling station and veered to it. As if stars are aligned for her,there infront of her was a restaurant, better than zero.
She got into the restaurant and asked if they offer coffee, yes they did.
It looked so cosy, a place with not much noise, the smell of coffee always tugged at her heartstrings, the aroma somehow made her feel good. She absolutely loved coffee. She sat at a table not far from an elderly couple. They so reminded her of her parents and a Relationship goal that just crushed.
Di ordered her coffee and waited. She was so lost in thought she could not hear the elderly couple trying to get her attention.
She snapped out of it.
The old man was talking “ you look troubled my daughter, what is wrong?” He asked.
That alone just got her crying.

“Please come and seat with us” the old woman requested. “Come, let us discuss life.” She sounded so comforting. How did they know life was happening to her?.
Di narrated her story to them, trying to laugh in the midst of tears. She partly thought maybe it’s silly pouring her heart out to strangers but they gave her so much attention.
“ I am sorry my daughter you are going through so much, but remember what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, tap into your strength and own your recovery,” the old woman said.
The old man smiled “ I know how betrayal feels like, if you don’t learn to forgive, you will not find peace, it’s not an easy journey but it’s worth taking.” Always remember you have an option to leave any relationship that is destructive to your being. Leave and forgive, you will definitely not forget but the pain will lessen.Be selfish with yourself at this point.”

She silently listened as they talked. When they paused she asked curiously “ how long have you been together?”
“43 years” replied the old lady
“Wow! How did you make it this far?” She asked surprised.
“Honestly I cannot pin point and say how but I have come to know when you love one another there is no struggle in nurturing each other. Sacrifices, compromises and forgiveness don’t become a heavy burden,” the old woman replied. Her husband nodded in agreement.
“You are good people, Godsent. I feel so much better after talking to you and hearing your comforting words. Thank you,” Di affirmed from deep down, they were her heroes in that moment.
“ You are welcome, we are glad to be of help, please here is my number if you want to talk” the old woman gave her the number.
“How are you getting back home?May I drop you?”Di asked.
Old Woman: Aw, so sweet of you, we were going to call our son to come and pick us
Di: I am your daughter now, let me drop you home
Di dropped the elderly couple home and headed back to the apartment. Life is not all black after all, there are shades of grey and white too.

She arrived home. The apartment was dark although the door unlocked. She switched on the living room lights and proceeded to the bedroom. There was no Rob. She had no energy to call him out.
His bathrobe was on the bed and there was a note on top of it. She unfolded it and read,

‘I know you will think I am a coward. Maybe I am. I cant help thinking of how much I ruined your life and betrayed your trust. I do believe you when you say you can’t stand the sight of me. Let me give you space..I know I can never be the same person in your eyes. I am sorry I cut short your love for me. I will still love you in my absence.
I still do ask for your forgiveness ,I pray our baby forgives me, I pray your parents forgive me and I pray God forgives me too.
I left you my bathrobe, I know how much you loved wearing it,I remember that you used to steal it when you go for work trips, I didn’t tell you this then but I thought it was the cutest thing ever. Goodbye my love, Take care of yourself.”

She might have been be angry with Rob but there was a part of her holding on to him. His goofiness, the energies, the way he has always known how to charm her, she just didn’t understand how come he didn’t want children and went to that extreme , that is a deal breaker for her.
She cried looking at his empty bedside table. She took his bathrobe and hugged it, it felt so warm, that is him. His hugs had that magic on her, making her feel cosy and loved. The scent of him on that robe made her smile. Oh Rob.
She put it on , wrapped it around her and put her hands in the pockets, she felt something in there, a small box.
She took it out, a black jewelry box with a trim of gold.She opened it.
There was a ring inside, the exact one she had discussed with him when he teased her about buying her a ring.
There was another small note in there. “I had planned to propose tonight. Here is your ring love, please keep it in your memory box as a reminder that I did love you.”

She smiled in tears. “Rob wa peka waitse, he thinks I should keep a P12000 ring in a memory box knowing that I love it, this is just a trap, to have me remember him always.” She had the strongest edge to try it on but it felt like she ll be agreeing to his proposal. She put it back in the jewelry box and chucked it in the memory box.

That night she slept cuddling Rob’s robe
Would she stand reporting him to the police? Probably not. What about telling her parents? She knew her father will hunt him down, better keep it wrapped for now. Should she close this chapter of her life? It made sense. She needed to heal and as heavy as it seemed losing Rob, she had to learn a life without him, learn to forgive him and find peace of mind.

“Goodbye Rob” she whispered. She seemed have lost a lot in a short time :her pregnancy, her peace of mind, her happiness, her man but thank God, her life she held on to, with it she has to restart, refresh,renew….

….to new beginnings….

**** the end.

*fiction
Thank you for taking time to read and follow through the posts. It’s an honour. A journey of a thousand miles…., I am glad to start it with you.
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Remember:

Telling her to “get rid of it” is like placing a ticking time bomb in your midst. Don’t impose.

#HerbodyHerdecision

Part 5

Rob & Di continued…..

(At the hospital)

Di was transferred back to the general ward. She was stable and doctors were happy with her progress.
A week later she was discharged home.

Rob collected her from hospital.
“Lets go home my love, the days are dim and dull without your presence”
Di: Hehehehe! Wena love! Makgoa ba bua nnete ba re you don’t know what you ve got until it’s gone.
Rob: Tlhemma ke tlhoahaletse my Queen, you are my happy button, fa o seyo something switches off.
Di: I am sorry mogatsaka , it has been a hectic past few days. I was almost gone ka nnete.
Rob: Ke bona hela gore gongwe ke baakanye magadi jaanong , life e ntshupegeditse gore it’s touch and go.
Di: I need to spend a few days ko lwapeng , to just get the feel of home. There is so much peace there.
Rob: Ao babe,o mpolaisa loneliness some more.. Aish banna! gorileng o batla go anya? Ga ke robale sharpo o seyo, I get nightmares.
Di: Ruri go anya! That’s so gross. Talking about nightmares, Waitse I don’t know if I was dreaming or not.
Rob: What happened?
Di: A ko o mpolelelele, the times you were visiting in ICU, o ne o bua le nna or I was hallucinating?
Rob: O ne o nkutlwa? Kana o ne o sa tshikinyege! ampore o ile! The thought of it scares the hell out of me.
Di: There is something strange that I caught from your voice , something along the lines ‘ke batile go ipolaela mosadi’.. was it a dream? Did you say that?

Rob panicked. He needed to divert this conversation, this is not the time.
Rob: Nne ke rialo love, You remember nne ke go tsentse stress when you told me about the pregnancy, ke akanya hela gore it contributed to the loss. That day o ledile mo go tlhomolang pelo. I found you asleep when I returned, the pillow was soaked with your tears, matlho a rurugile, melomo e omeletse.. shems!
Di: Ke eng o ne o sa ntsose? Wa loa Rob. Anyway we fight to make up right?, what matters is peace and harmony. We did reconcile that day.
Rob: I love you and I am sorry
Di: O ratwa ke nna.
Rob kissed her hand and held it for some time while the other was on the steering wheel.
Rob: Ke dire jang? Drop you straight home or we go to the apartment first?
Di: Drop me home mothowame, you will bring along what I need.
Rob: You word is my command.

They arrived at Di’s parental home.

MmaDi; Alilili! My Princess is here!. Welcome home kgarebe yame! pelo yame e tshweu tshweu!
Di: Thank you mama.
She smiled and looked shy.
MmaDi: Sit here next to me ngwanaka.Dumela mogwe, a le a tsoga?
Rob: Re a tsoga mma.
MmaDi: Re a leboga. Tla ke go irele tee o tshware mowa.
Rob: Nnyaya mma, tanki, Nne ke bata go ya go tsaya dilwana tsa ga Di go ise go nne lefifi
MmaDi: ehe, go siame ngwanaka, you will have tea when come back.
He winked at Di and signaled that he is leaving.
Di: Go sharpo. Di responded hardly audible.

“Mama waitse ke tlhoka go sidilwa maikutlo, Ke tlhakatlhakane hela, dikakanyo tsame di a ntsietsa” Di told her mom.
“Go botlhokwa ngwanaka. Ke ta go pata re ya ko go ba ba sidilang maikutlo, kana ga twe psycho what what?” She responded looking at her with a tinge of worry.
“Psychologist mama,” Di couldn’t help laughing.

She spent a week at home with her parents. She improved significantly and was smiling more since her sessions with the psychologist started.

She returned to her apartment at the end of that week, not that she missed it but had to continue living and accepting what happened.

She found the place looking almost exactly how she left it. It didnt show that Rob ever tried to at least sweep the floor. Bachelor tendencies. She decided to do general cleaning to get her mind off things.

She moved furniture around , rearranged her decorations. New life, New feel.
She proceeded to clean the bedroom and noticed the pregnancy stick was still by the bedside table,she picked it, the sight of it brought back the pain of loss, she had tears flow again. She wondered whether to discard it or keep it. Will she ever forget? She chucked the stick into her memory box and closed it.
She tidied up and swept under the bed, something caught her attention. A pill sachet, “what is this?” She picked it and read ‘cytotec’.
“Uhu, was Rob sick and didn’t tell me, when?” she thought to herself.
She took her phone and searched the name on the sachet.
Search Results : also known as misoprostol, it is used to reduce serious complications of stomach ulcers while using NSAIDs and can induce abortion.

She sat on the bed. Does Rob have ulcers? Was he sick recently?NSAIDs ke eng? Maybe it’s better she waits for him to clarify. Induce Abortion? It was unpleasant to come across that term again, she wants to forget but there are so many reminders.

(That Evening)
Rob arrived late at home, he found Di busy. “Hey love, wa bo o ta ipolaisa go bereka e le gone o tswa spatela.I was going to call the laundry lady to come and clean, I am sorry you found the house a mess.”
Di: it’s okay, this helps me get my mind off things. I needed to rearrange the place anyway.
She remembered,” love, o kgona go lwala o sa mpolelele?”
Rob: What do you mean?
Di: I mean o nna le di- ulcer o sa bue.Stomach ulcers
Rob: What are you talking about? I don’t have stomach ulcers or whatever ulcers.
Her mood went down under, if not ulcers then the Abortion? Wait, she is the one who had abortion. Who brought these into the apartment if not Rob?

She started rethinking that day she miscarried , It all came flooding in her head
‘He went out, Came back happy and made her drop her guard. They ate and had drinks,She suddenly just fell asleep and woke up bleeding. There is an abortion pill sachet under her bed. Rob had talked about “getting rid of it.” There is some smoke here..she needed to find the source of fire…

She asked him,”Rob did you induce my pregnancy loss?”
“What? Babe! What are you talking about? How can you say that?” He panicked.
“Would you tell the truth or would you rather have the police interrogate you? I have evidence,” she pushed on showing him a picture of the pill sachet she took.

He sat down. Silence. “Should he deny? She is not 100% sure, she can never be,” He thought. But then maybe she is right, he might negotiate his way out with her rather than the police.
He bowed his head down with tears in his eyes,”I ….I , I didn’t think it will go that far. I just thought you will lose the pregnancy and that’s it. I am so sorry, I did a terrible thing, if you report me to the police you are justified to but please have mercy, Ke a rapela,” he moved to kneel before her.

“Rob!you tried to kill me, and you killed our baby!” she said with a shaky voice amidst tears.
“Don’t say that Di, it crushing me…don’t you think I know that?” He said now sobbing. “I was naive, I was scared, I was selfish, I ruined us.Please love, forgive me, I went through the most painful lesson for the past weeks, if I could I would have reversed everything”

Di: O itse goreng Rob? I am not doing this with you. The police will deal with you, not me.
Rob: Intshwarele Di please, I know I messed up big time, I can’t live with myself.
Di: Ka re I am done listening to you, you watched me fight for my life, you watched me crumbling down for our baby, you watched my parents get worried sick while all along you knew you initiated all that. How can you look me in the eyes and tell me you love me after destroying what I stood for?
She went on hardly catching her breath ”I need to get out of here, I can’t stand the sight of you.Give me the car keys”
He handed over the keys with no protest.

Di left him there on his knees crying. He had run out of ideas.He wondered if she is going to report him, whether she is going to tell her parents, whether it’s the end of their relationship……
if only he could turn back the hands of time.

*fiction

PART 6.
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# be wary of telling her to “get rid of it”

#herbodyherdecision

#Part 4

Robs & Di

The next morning, Di’s parents were called to the hospital.

MmaD: O raya gore ba ka re biletsa go ta go tsaya Di mmogo, e le gore Rob o ganne?
DaddyD: o tla bo a le lenyatso.
MmaD: ga se gore o a sia? A akanya mosadi who might not give him children.
DaddyD: Okho! re isa kae ditontokwane ruri. A sie ee.

They left for the hospital.
MmaDi knew where Di was admitted, so they went straight to the ward, upon entering the ward she looked around for her daughter and realised Di was not where she left her the previous day.
She started screaming, her hands on her head. “Ijoo! Rragwe Di, ngwanake!” She collapsed and DaddyD caught her mid-air preventing her from hitting the floor.
“ Ke kopa thuso hoo mma,motho ke yo o ole,”He said to the Nurse at the station.
The nurse hurried with a stretcher and her vital signs trolley. She checked Mmagwe Di’s vital signs and blood sugar level, they were fine.
“ Tla ke le ise A&E ba ye go feleletsa ka dithuso” go lebega a idibetse. The nurse said.
“ Mme kana mmaetsho re tsile kwano ka pitso ya lona, re batsadi ba ga Di More” DaddyD told her.
“Ehee,ngaka o ne a buile gore ke etla,Ke tla dira jang tota” the nurse became confused a bit on how to handle the situation.
“Tla re ise mosadimogolo ko A& E, Ke tla bitsa ngaka ke tswa kwa. E tla a re a goroga ke go leletse “
“ Ee gosiame ngwanaka a go nne jalo” DaddyD said seemin beat by the whole situation. Something nagged him eitherway,
“Ngwanake ga a swa akere?” He had to ask and be blunt.
“Nyaya rra” she responded while busy pushing the stretcher.
“Okay, ke yone kgang e botlhokwa.” Feeling relieved he followed the Nurse to A&E.

The nurse assisted as planned. She briefed the doctor. Rob showed up as the Doctor and DaddyD were about to enter the counselling room. “Dumelang, Ke tlhola Di,” He told the nurse that he found at the station.
Nurse: Okay I remember you Rragwe nnana, ga se gore re kope o tsene mo counselling le wena?
Rob: Counselling ya eng?
Nurse: Ya batsadi ba ga Di, ngaka o ba biditse.

Rob started having palpitations, he could hear the thump of his heart while standing there. Sweat formed on his forehead. The thoughts started ‘what if they found out? What if they found out I did this to her?’
He was shaking although it wasn’t obvious to people standing by.
“Nnya mma tla ke lete ko ntle” he said to the nurse as he went outside the ward. ‘Should he run? Should he not? But what happened to Di?she wasn’t answering her phone last night. Did the doctors tell her she was drugged? Why were the parents called? Di was just okay yesterday when he left, it can’t be anything to do with death right? Di can’t die, he would never forgive himself. Ever,’ Thoughts raced in his head.

He chose to stay and wait, maybe he ll get a feedback of what’s going on. If he is caught, he will just have to face it. Maybe he will redeem himself. The truth of the matter is he messed up. He might as well man up this time around.

(After a while)

“Waitse ke mmona dilo,” said Rragwe Di as he exited the counselling room. He felt overpowered. His two ladies are both down,he didn’t know where to start. As he came out of the ward he saw Rob,
“Dumelang “ Rob said rubbing his hands together in a respectful gesture.
“Dumela ngwanaka, mmata wa gago o mo ICU, ga twe seemo se chenchitse bosigo” he said to Rob hardly looking in his eyes “Mmagwe o ko AE kwa le ene o ole hela re tsena ha,mo ke botlhodi”

Rob’s head spun. He could not believe it, he could not believe his plan escalated into a whirlwind and reeled the whole family into turmoil. It weighed him down. He wished to reverse all that but there was noway how. He better be as supportive as he can, his guilt dictated so.
He ll wait to check on Di during lunch hour.

(In ICU)
Di was fairly stable in ICU. The team was worried that their investigations showed she possibly had DIC, she needed prompt intervention. They were doing all they can to keep her from deteriorating.

(At A&E)

Mmagwe Di rose from her deep slumber.
“ heelang jaanong ke ha kae?, Rragwe Di o kae?”
“Dumela mma, o mo spatela, you had fainted” the nurse approached her.
“Ke idibatswa ke eng?” Mmagwe Di was surprised. “Di,” her mood dipped as she remembered.
“Tla ke bitse monnamogolo,” The nurse rather responded.
DaddyD came in, “welcome back mogatsaka”
MmaDi: O raya gore nne ke sule?
DaddyDi: Nne o ile, ke ipotsa gore ha le batla go tsamaya lotlhe nna ke sala le mang.
MmaDi: ga kena kgang, o bone ngaka?
DaddyDi: Seemo sa ga Di se chenchitse ga twe o ne a hupela bosigo, o isitswe ICU”
MmaDi: Ao ngwanake wa bo a ta bona go fe?
DaddyD: Nnya mme ba re ba leka bojotlhe go mo thusa, o tla nna botoka, re tla mmona re tswa ha.
MmaDi: A mme Rob ene wa itse?
DaddyD: Rob o phakeletse mo spatela, Ke thulane le ene ke sena go bua le ngaka. Nne ke mo nyaditse mosimane yo, gongwe ga a maswe maswe.”
MmagweD smiled, suprised by her husband’s sudden change of mind.

(At lunch hour, visiting time)

Her parents went in first while Rob waited outside ICU.
Di was connected to machines,tubes surrounded her, she seemed so vulnerable.
They stood beside her bed. Worried.

Her dad held her hand, it felt cold, “Di, Ke rrago ngwanaka,I know you are a fighter, from the day you were born your cry was of a warrior, fight on my girl, I am waiting to see your smile again my Princess.”
MmagweDi: Ke hano Princess Di.
That’s as much as she could afford to say trying to hold back her tears.
They prayed and left.

Rob followed in, he was distraught seeing his girlfriend like that. He stood there and whispered “I am sorry I messed up Lord please,If I had known it would go this far, I wouldn’t have dared. Tsoga tlhemma,just recover from this and take me out of this misery.”
He said a silent prayer and reluctantly left.

Di remained fighting for her life.
A warrior she was, she was slowly getting out of her unconscious state, the team even planned to extubate her the next morning. She was not out of the woods yet but she wasn’t down and out either.
When her parents came that evening,it was all hazy but she could recognize their voices when they spoke to her however she could hardly open her eyes nor mouth to respond. She squeezed her parents hands that evening and that reassured them greatly.

Rob visited the next morning.They had extubated her and she was just on an oxygen mask. He was so relieved. He sat beside her with a smile, “hey fighter, you look much better.”
She could tell it was him although it seemed too heavy for her to open her eyes,her voice was inaudible.
“I am relieved you are getting better, I was so afraid of losing you, imagine hela ke ipolaela mosadi, just because ke tshaba go nna le ngwana. I thought gore mosadi yole o raya gore you just lose the pregnancy without complications, Ke kgwile mathe, I will never entertain that thought, no matter what.”
Her cardiac monitor started beeping loudly, raising an alarm, Rob panicked as the nurse came running. Sorry sir, you can wait outside ke mo thuse.
She briefly alerted the doctor and he advised her to give her a sedative. Her vitals stabilized.
The nurse reassured Rob and recommended that he should give her time to rest.

Rob went home wondering what just happened, if possibly Di heard him, what if he made her worse again? He didn’t mean to confess to her, he prayed she didn’t get any of what he said otherwise it was downhill for him.

(At the hospital later that night)

Di opened her eyes, she looked around and couldn’t ignore her body pains and the uncomfortable feeling on her throat. She removed her oxygen mask, disoriented. In a bit it dawned on her she is in hospital. She thought she was dreaming.
She remembered hearing Rob’s voice. She remembered his confession, could it be true? was she dreaming, it better be just a nightmare…

Part 5 upcoming

*fiction
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Much love ❤️

**this fictional story is meant to sensitize the undesirable consequences of pushing a mother to terminate pregnancy.
it affects the everyone in that woman’s circle…

I ve never known how it feels like not to have a twin sister and I don’t want to know the difference. 

If I tell you about me and define myself as one, know that it’s an incomplete introduction. I come in two.

I have lived my life as two, and that’s the complete me. 

I salute the ones who have managed to know us as individuals and would tell the difference with eyes closed, my mom sometimes gets confused especially over phone calls, my brothers seem to have mastered differentiating us, the life partners , the potentials I won’t dig deep about it 🤣,they just have accepted they carry the burden of two😜. Some have felt the pinch 🙈🤣 and they know the nag & bother. Friends know it’s a package. The kids have two mamas, that’s that!

We just get in your space.

We have gone up, under and beyond together. The seasons of life, the phases of situations,they pass and sometimes we laugh about it.

Flowing together like a stream of water. 

She nurtures all of me and without her I wouldn’t blossom.

Today we add unto and count the blessings of the abundance of this life, 

Can I just say we are special human species, ask the researchers, they will tell you, if there is ever going to be hierarchy in human genome research they start with twins 😜,very intriguing

I love you with all of my being. Happiest of birthdays to you my love

“I am tired” he says.
………………………………………………………………….
See, I tend to be drawn in by such shortened statements, the ones that sometimes we easily overlook, or struggle to unravel. Those which wrap up the core of what we are thinking or what is happening to us.

This phrase “I am tired “ carries a lot of weight, sometimes it is all we afford to say in the midst of dire circumstances, life or death situations.

It doesn’t touch on the physical fatigue only, it sinks deep- the psychological fatigue, sometimes I say there is “soul fatigue”- that kind of fatigue that you can’t explain to anyone but it’s deeply felt and difficult to ignore.

“I am tired” is a statement that can explain the behavior we display: 

I am tired can have you want to sleep all day and refuse food
I am tired can have you rant and destroy whatever is in sight
I am tired can have you abandon your children and family 
I am tired can have you break off your relationship or marriage
I am tired can have you quit your job and run your business down to the ground
I am tired can have lose your sanity
I am tired can have you kill a person 
I am tired can have you kill yourself
I am tired can have you close out any kind of help needed, it devours you the energy to seek clarity 
I am tired can either have you destroy yourself or bring change… 

Note this “I am tired” to you says, look within you first and find inner peace. No one is going to completely know what your “I am tired” means unless you find composure to have them understand. Composure comes with you creating a platform welcome for audience of different characters. Otherwise we misinterpret your “I am tired” and unknowingly add fuel to it that may burn you to ashes. 

I find it difficult to clap hands and dance to the tune of someone saying “I am tired” especially when it comes with tears and anger, it’s a red flag. It’s a heartbreak.My thoughts spring to ‘this someone needs help’.
We all have limitations of how far we can stretch our emotional tolerance, we can surely snap,it doesn’t matter how hypervigilant we are known to be. We do get deeply tired.

Take care of each other, take care of yourself.

Much love