You found out but guard yourself too.

Relationships sometimes end brutally or with loss of a life because of this thing that I am going to mention here.

My friends, when you have found out that s/he has cheated, try to limit how much you want to know about it because the other tiny bit of details dug around that issue are the ones that will kill you psychologically if you don’t physically harm each other or even yourself. Those are the tiny fragments of info that will clog your peace completely.
Of course wanting to know how long the relo was,whether they slept with each other, if children resulted from such and what’s their intention going forward is fine, it can help you rate the level of relationship damage going forward and make a decision whether to stay or leave.

If you start asking how many times they slept together, how they did it, where, did she like it or did he like it, what kind of condom, how big was the bed, what was the color of the linen…..honestly you are just repeatedly stabbing your self in the chest, you are going to suffocate and collapse.

It will make you to start dissecting your own intimacy with him/her— you also start counting how many times, wondering each time when you are intimate if that’s how he had her, getting disgusted by the sight and smell of condoms because you will remember he used similar with someone else, you will hate getting in your own house and bed if they were there or stop visiting certain places even if you loved such places, even getting in your own car if they have been there… sengwe le sengwe se a shimisa, the sight of him/her repels you, ga o robale, o palelwa ke go ja. You become paranoid about everything. You become an abuser- either physically, emotionally/psychologically because you want him or her to feel your pain. You can even plot revenge.

For the married and other committed, it is worse because it is a challenge to just ‘up and leave’, you are going to have to face this situation vividly and head on with your spouse/partner : kgantele ke tsoga re omane, s/he doesn’t touch you anyhow- the questions and verbal backlash directed at him/her will make them wanna explode and disappear,for the short tempered you ignite fire and incite harm. Unfortunately sometimes you really think about killing one another or yourself because the level of resentment you carry does not allow you to have peace in seeing this person.

You know what? For your inner peace, Please do not dig endlessly, you can decide whether to leave or stay without collecting those tiny spiky details of the affair. To the one wrongful, avoid divulging every tiny detail because you are killing her or him. If anything run for couple counselling so that someone mediates your reconciliation because between the two of you it’s fire. Take care of yourselves.

Happy weekend.

Much love ❤️
Kelly
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